Walking through the park, I felt the brisk wind penetrate my light jacket as I called a good friend from back home. We always have wonderful conversations and last night we began talking through how we used to communicate. We have had rough patches because of the way we both viewed our relationship. Talking it through, we realized this is a widespread epidemic in so many relationships.
Here’s the problem: We thought relationships are a 50/50 deal, that we were both pawns playing a game and asking, "Who's next?" I remember wondering, "How much love do I have to give in order to receive love back?" It is a transactional mindset: "Since I initiated our last hang out, she should initiate the next". Ungirding this relational mindset is the idea that I only have a limited amount of love I will give. I was withholding love based upon how much love she would give in return. This is healthy for most relationships, but with those closest to us, this can be very dangerous.
If I'm constantly waiting until I receive the love I think I deserve from those closest to me, I stall my generosity in the relationship. I realized that I needed to revolutionize the way I viewed our relationship by not waiting until I received the love that I thought I deserved, but giving it freely, not expecting the same return. The best relationships are 100/100, she gives 100 and I give 100.
There's something beautiful about talking with someone who understands that relationships are about giving loving freely and not waiting for the other person to give back to do give it again.
Over time those who understand this will stand out, because there will be special connection...like a "We get it" connection.
Do you think your closest relationships are a 50/50 transaction or a 100/100 opportunity?