Walking through the park, I felt the brisk wind penetrate my light jacket as I began talking with a good friend from back home. There's something beautiful about have a conversation with someone who I would call close, especially if it's been awhile. We always have wonderful conversations and last night we began talking through how we used to communicate. We have had rough patches because of the way we both viewed our relationship, it was honestly an epidemic.
We thought relationships are a 50%/50% deal, that we were both pawns playing a game and asking, "Who's next?" I remember wondering, "How much love do I have to give in order to receive love back?" It's this transactional mindset: "Since I initiated our last hang out, she should initiate the next". Ungirding this relational mindset is the idea that I only have a limited amount of love I will give. I was withholding love based upon how much love she would give. This is healthy for most relationships, but with those closest to us, this can be very dangerous.
If I'm constantly waiting until I receive the love I think I deserve from those closest to me, I stall my generosity in the relationship. I realized that I needed to revolutionize the way I viewed our relationship by not waiting until I received the love that I thought I deserved, but giving it freely, not expecting the same return. The best relationships are 100%/100%, she gives 100% and I give 100%.
Do you know when I said, "There's something beautiful about talking with someone whom I would call close."?
Let me rephrase that:
There's something beautiful about talking with someone who understands that relationships are about giving love freely and not waiting until the love is reciprocated to do give it again.
Over time those who understand this will stand out, because there will be special connection...like a "We get it" connection.
Are we thinking our closest relationships are 50%/50% transaction or a 100%/100% opportunity?