Like every 18 year-old I thought the friends I made the first day of college were going to be same friends that would be in my wedding. It took just a couple months to learn that I presumed wrongly. In the beginning of my college career there was this synergy being formed in my new relationships of friends. Over just a couple days, the group of 6 of us decided to proclaim ourselves as The Crew (At this point, you probably realize we were doomed from the start).
After several nights spent laughing and joking whether it be card nights or a bonfire, I started getting a restless feeling in my chest, something wasn't right, but of course being so young I didn't know what to do about it. It wasn't until hearing several people who weren't in The Crew say that my friends and I seemed exclusive that I realized they weren't wrong. Over the next few weeks I expressed my exclusivity concern to our group and how we made others feel like de-valued outsiders. I thought The Crew would immediately be more welcoming to outsiders but the opposite took place: we thrived on knowing we had something other freshmen didn't have, friends, and we made sure everyone knew that. At least in my case, this behavior was sourced from my own insecurity of being that outsider looking in.
I thought I was stuck, these HAD to be the same friends who were going to be in my wedding! I didn't have the wisdom to simply leave, so what did I do? Well, I stayed in my dorm room wearing sweatpants, eating popcorn and m&ms (My guilty pleasure), and watching American Horror Story every night for two weeks. The Crew would knock on my door and ask if I wanted to chill and I would always come up with a great excuse from the other side of the door: "I have homework", "My girlfriend is going to call me later", "I need to fold my socks" anything to make them leave. Looking back, I felt debilitated because I didn't see a way out. I used to victimize myself a lot. I just didn't realized I had more control over my situation.
The moment my debilitating mindset transformed into an empowered mindset was when I realized, "Wait, there are 1000s of other people within a two mile radius!" I thought I was doomed for the next 3 1/2 years of my college career so I trapped myself in my doom room mourning my existence.
The next day I started the awkward process of forging new friendships and it didn't go so well at first. I didn't know what I was looking for at the time, I just knew there could be relationships based in loving the other generously and not based in our insecurities. It took until the end of my sophomore year, to find my tribe.
Where in your life do you have more control that you think you have?