I've always felt like there is more.

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I've always felt like there is more. I don't even know how to define it besides explaining the feeling: You see, it feels like a restlessness, a hole that I can't quite fill, a gap that no bridge can overcome. 

I've only been able to fill the gap in moments:

  • That moment where I sat in our cabin, looking out the window on a rainy summer morning with my Mom and my Brother drinking coffee and talking.
  • That moment where we sang the Star Spangled Banner at the top of our lungs with my two closest friends in a canoe on the middle of a lake on Fourth of July.
  • That moment I fell asleep under a flower tree as the blue sky created the backdrop during the season of Spring in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. 

...but it never lasts. I've started organizations in hopes to overcome this hole, I've moved 2,344 miles away to San Diego to find rest for a soul that can't find rest, and I've began relationships to find a cure for the gap. They all never quite worked.

What if that's the beauty of it, it's not meant to be solved? Maybe it is something we live into, together in community. What if we could find rest within the tension knowing that it's something we can't control.

There is something remarkable about not having the ability to control this feeling.

It makes me realize I don't have all the answers and there must be something out there that does. 

Jake Vayda1 Comment