Intimacy Without Dependency
In our process of finding deeper intimacy with the community around us, a nasty habit can start forming: Dependence. Crazy enough, rooted relationships can sometimes be the very thing that withholds us from living the life we have dreamt to live. When an idea is starting to form in our heads, we can start an unfavorable habit of first thinking..."What will _ think?".
- Should I move? Well, my people would disapprove.
- Should I start that blog? Yes, my people will love me.
- Should I go to church? Yes, my people will see that I'm faithful.
Whether or not your people agree or disagree is not even the point. To consistently think about someone else's opinion as soon as an idea pops into your head is not healthy. Ideas in their infancy are sensitive, polluting them at birth will often discourage future thought of the idea.
So how do we create intimacy without dependency?
The most amazing people I've ever met think in this order:
"Is this congruent with the life I want to live?"
- "What do those closest to me think?"
We don't disregard the opinions of those closest to us, we just refuse to have it be the first indicator of the quality of an idea. Dependency can creep in very easily and our thought process is the first to be affected. It is possible to have intimacy without dependency, but it takes work, as does all healthy intimacy.