Fear

I've overcome some challenges in my 21 years of life, from not staying back two grades when the teacher encouraged it, to starting two clubs on campus without any guidance, to moving 2,000 miles away from home by myself.

This sounds great, but I think my biggest accomplishments are all in response to my biggest fear:

What if I am not Enough?

This fear drove me to success. What if moving 2,000 miles away proved to be too much pain for me to take and I wasn't enough? What if failing to start two clubs on campus proved that I didn't matter and I wasn't enough. What if not staying back two grades proved to be too much work and I wasn't enough. 

Diving deeper, I'm realizing that my biggest failures are all in response to my biggest fear. There were times when my worst fears were realized.

No matter how many hours I worked in the gym, I wasn't enough for varsity basketball. This was the first time in my life where I tried with everything in me, with 1000s of hours of thinking, praying, and practicing and yet I still wasn't enough.

The second time might have hit harder. I put my vulnerabilities, love, and fears into one person; I've never done that before. I was convinced it was going to work out, why would someone leave me if they knew almost everything about me? ...but it happened, and I didn't know what to do. I gave everything, but I still wasn't enough.

My biggest accomplishments are all in response to my biggest fear.

My biggest failures are all in response to my biggest fear.

Science tells us that the pain of losing is greater than the joy of winning. So, is it okay to be motivated by fear, it's natural right?

If you're a Christian, the response would be, "Well, God says you're enough", but that doesn't change your natural propensity of fear.

Is it wise to be motivated by fear?

 

IdentityJake VaydaComment